This is part of a series of articles on pursuing virtue. There are many virtues that Orthodox Christians should be working to attain. We will be focusing on the seven capital virtues mentioned in “the Pocket Prayer Book for Orthodox Christians.” As the book mentions, each virtue is the positive counterpart of a grievous sin. In order for us to grow in theosis, we must not only resist and repent from the sins in our life, but we must also desire and labor to attain the virtues. Our goal is for each of these articles to be a beginning, a place to help us start learning more about each virtue as we pursue it. May the Lord have mercy on us and grant us grace as we pursue these virtues!
The virtue we will focus on for this blog post is mildness. How exactly does one define mildness? Merriam-Webster.com offers these words as a definition: balmy, equable, genial, gentle, clement, moderate, soft, temperate. Each of those words applies to mildness in different contexts, but helps us to get an idea of what mildness is. Perhaps the best way to understand mildness is to think of the grievous sin which is its opposite: and that is anger. “The Pocket Prayer Book for Orthodox Christians” defines anger as “unworthy irritation and lack of self-control.” So perhaps another possible definition for the virtue of mildness is “not getting irritated unnecessarily and having much self control.”
Annalisa Boyd beautifully defines mildness in the context of parenting in an article called “The Ascetic Lives of Mothers,” published on the GOARCH website in 2014 (see link below). Her definition can help us think about the importance of mildness and why we parents must pursue this virtue:“Mildness is used to fight wrath and anger. It consists of kindness, gentleness, and calm in word and action. Whether you have one child or many children, home can become a chaotic place. Mildness is closely related to temperance and humility because it requires a lot of self-control and humility to address the myriad of issues each home faces with kindness, gentleness, and calm. Of course there will be those days you are tempted to lock yourself in the closet and curl up in the fetal position, but the God of the universe is there on those days, too. As we seek the Lord, through prayer and the observance of the sacraments, we can be the calm in our homes. His power is that big!”
The quote above implies that mildness shows itself in the home as kindness, gentleness, and calm. Perhaps if we learn about and work towards those qualities, we will become more mild! We found the following scriptures (quoted below in the NKJV) related to those three qualities that indicate mildness. We parents would do well to meditate on these passages and aim to live by them, for they can help us on our journey to becoming mild.
Ps. 117:2 “For His merciful kindness is great toward us, And the truth of the Lord endures forever. Praise the Lord!”
Prov. 19:22 “What is desired in a man is kindness…”
Is. 54:8 “With a little wrath I hid My face from you for a moment; But with everlasting kindness I will have mercy on you,” Says the Lord, your Redeemer.”
Joel 2:13 “Return to the Lord your God, For He is gracious and merciful, Slow to anger, and of great kindness; And He relents from doing harm.”
Coloss. 3:12 “Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering…”
2 Peter 1:5-8 “But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
1 Corinth. 4:21 “What do you want? Shall I come to you with a rod, or in love and a spirit of gentleness?”
Gal. 6:1 “Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted.”
Phil. 4:5 “Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand.”
1 Tim. 6:11 “But you, O man of God, flee these things and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, gentleness.”
Ps. 131:2 “Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul, Like a weaned child with his mother; Like a weaned child is my soul within me.”
Prov. 17:27 “He who has knowledge spares his words, And a man of understanding is of a calm spirit.”
Mark 4:39 “Then He arose and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Peace, be still!” And the wind ceased and there was a great calm.”
May God help us all to pursue the virtue of mildness, that we may love Him more purely, follow Him more sincerely, and bless others as we respond to them with mildness (in kindness, gentleness, and calm)!
“O Lord and Master of my life, take from me the spirit of sloth, meddling, lust of power and idle talk.
But give rather the spirit of chastity, humility, patience, and love to Thy servant.
Yea, O Lord and King, grant me to see my own sins and not to judge my brother, for
Thou art blessed unto ages of ages. Amen.”
(The Prayer of St. Ephrem the Syrian)
Read the rest of Annalisa Boyd’s article “The Ascetic Lives of Mothers,” referred to above, here: https://www.goarch.org/en/-/the-ascetic-lives-of-mothers. Purchase the since-published book, full of prayers, here: http://store.ancientfaith.com/ascetic-lives-of-mothers/. Follow her podcast here: http://www.ancientfaith.com/podcasts/asceticlives.
Here are additional quotes and resources that can help us as we pursue mildness:
“…parents need to devote themselves to the love of God,” he says. “They need to become saints in relation to their children through their mildness, patience, and love. They need to make a new start every day, with a fresh outlook, renewed enthusiasm and love for their children.” ~ St. Porphyrios
“As a person progresses in mildness and patience of the heart, so also does he in purity of the body. And the further he has driven away the passion of anger, the more tightly will he hold on to chastity” ~ St. John Cassian
“Let’s stop fighting and pray in a becoming way. We should put on the mildness of angels instead of the demons’ brutality. No matter how we’ve been injured, we must soften our anger by considering our own case and our salvation. Let us quiet the storms; we can pass through life calmly. Then, upon our departing, the Lord will treat us as we treated our neighbours. If this is a heavy, terrible thing to us, we must let Him make it light and desirable. What we don’t have strength to carry out because of our struggle against sin, let us accomplish by becoming gentle to those who sinned against us.” ~St. John Chrysostom
“In order for us to become one with God, we are first and foremost required to exhibit meekness, as the Lord Himself says: “Come unto Me…and learn of Me, for I am meek and lowly in heart; and ye shall find rest unto your souls” (Matt. 11:28-29)….It is clear that without meekness we will never come to Christ, we will never become one with Him, and consequently, instead of experiencing bliss, we will be most wretched.
Only the meek are under God’s special protection. And this protection is the source of all the indescribable bounties which God showers upon us, of all our happiness and bliss, both temporal and eternal.
This leads us to understand why the Holy Fathers say: “Do not seek miracles, but rather seek a meek person, who is the supreme miracle.” Therefore, let us seek meekness above all and strive to attain it. But to this end we must understand, what exactly is meekness? Meekness is the mildness of a tender age, and not only tender age, but angelic mildness, and not only angelic, but Divine mildness. The most prominent and essential characteristic of saints was precisely such meekness.” ~Saint Seraphim (Sobolev), wonderworker of Sophia, http://www.holy-transfiguration.org/library_en/ct_love_meekness.html
“To converse with mildness, what a gain it is!” ~ St. John Chrysostom
“…mankind was endowed with the image of God from the first moment of his existence, man can only acquire the likeness of God by degrees. Saint John Chrysostom indicates that we become like God to the extent of our human power… We resemble Him in our gentleness and mildness and in regard to virtue.” ~ from http://saintandrewgoc.org/home/2014/3/10/triumph-of-orthodoxy-first-sunday-of-holy-and-great-lent.html