Gleanings from a Book: “Parent Points” by Fr. Chris Kerhulas

Author’s note: To the person who posted about this book on social media, thereby alerting me to its existence: thank you! I have not yet met Fr. Chris; and I had no idea that he’d written a book that could be so helpful to both parents and teachers; or that he would be kind enough to send a copy so that I could share read it and share it with you. My own children are grown, but the ideas and information in this book are helpful to me as I relate to them. Hopefully having read this book will also make me a better “fellow parishioner” to the young members of our parish. For all of this, I am very grateful.

Fr. Chris Kerhulas’ book “Parent Points” is small but mighty. In its 107 pages, he blends his 40+ years of ministry experience with personal experience from parenting and grandparenting. Each chapter offers stories, wisdom, and insights into life as a young person, explained in a way which their significant adults can understand. Each chapter ends with “points,” takeaways for the reader to both meditate on and work on in their relationship with their children/youth.

“Parent Points” was an enjoyable, but meaty read. It made me both laugh and cry. It allowed me to reflect/reminisce while also planning ahead for future interactions. Best of all, the book made me THINK. How do I interact with the young people in my life? How can I improve those interactions? How can I help them to grow towards Christ, conveying His great love for them through the way that I treat them?

I found this book to be helpful to me as a parent, as an educator, and as one who is trying to better love all of the children in my life. What set the tone of the book for me – actually, one of my big “takeaways” on this first readthrough- is not even written by Fr. Chris. It is found on very the first pages, in a forward written by Fr. Chris’ friend Robert Krantz, where he talks about Fr. Chris’ interaction with children over the years. It speaks to the way in which Fr. Chris leads by example. “He talked to young men and women about the things they really wanted to talk about. He gave them an open forum to express themselves, never judging them and he gave them one huge gift back; love… Every time he saw a kid struggling… he saw himself. Because of what he’d gone through, he knew each of those kids was special, and had enormous potential, even if the world had not figured it out yet. He was the first one to let each and every one of those kids know they were special.” (p. 5-6) Hearing about Fr. Chris’ genuine love for and respect for each child from the beginning of the book challenged me to read on, to try to figure out how to improve my own relationships with the children in my life. I was delighted to discover that his genuine love for young people comes through loud and clear throughout the book, along with ideas of ways that we can better love the young folks around us.

“Parent Points” is addressed to any adult with children in their life. It contains 13 chapters, with titles such as “The Guilt Trip: Your Behavior is Killing Me!;” “Depression: You Will Be Found;” “Divorce is Death;” “Who Am I? Who Is God, and Where Is He?;” and ends with “I Am Free.” The chapters are not long, and can be read one at a time, or inhaled quickly. Chances are, this book will not be a one-off read: readers will revisit it over the years, in order to better soak in Fr. Chris’ wisdom and check their own improvement. I certainly intend to re-read it! The children and young people in my life need to be loved and esteemed in the ways exemplified in this book. The ideas here will continually help me to evaluate my interactions with them to that end.

In the introduction, Fr. Chris offers this to the reader: “I hope these words of wisdom will be of use and help to bring some comfort and reassurance in your time of need. Remember, you’re not alone—we all go through trials and tribulations, and we are all far from being perfect, but we can always learn from our mistakes or the mistakes of others. If we do it right, our children will also learn to be better, stronger, and more resilient in the face of adversity that awaits them out there in the world.” (p. 14)

This book is a “must-read” for parents, grandparents, godparents, and educators. It would also be a fantastic book study for parishes who truly value their young people. Find information about how to purchase your own copy of “Parent Points” here: https://frchriskerhulas.com/

 

Here are a few gleanings from the book:
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Point #5 after “The Headphone Generation”:

“When opportunities for a live, interpersonal exchange appear, make your child turn off her personal device. Even if her response is angry, you are giving your child the message that she is an important and necessary part of the family. When parents simply allow children to tune out and lock themselves in their rooms, the message, after a period of time, is that their presence doesn’t matter. (“Parent Points” by Fr. Chris Kerhulas, p. 19)

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From the chapter “Sibling Magic”:

“We may know that our siblings love us, but hearing it and saying it back is a much-needed experience, especially during those difficult teenage years… when older siblings tell their younger brothers or sisters how much they matter and that they are there for them, life—especially in moments of crisis—becomes much easier to manage… When younger siblings have the strength to tell their older siblings how much they mean to them, any arrogance and egotism in the older sibling gets wiped away.. I believe loving sibling relationships are parallel to having guardian angels.” (“Parent Points” by Fr. Chris Kerhulas, pp. 23-24)

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From the chapter “The Guilt Trip: Your Behavior is Killing Me!”:

“Throughout the ages, parents have wielded guilt as one of their most effective weapons against willful and unruly children… Guilt is what I refer to as a triple negative; it is a negative emotion meant to negate negative behavior. As a disciplinary tactic, not only is it illogical, but it also just muddies the water, making matters worse in the long run. Parents all over the world are going to hate me for saying this, but guilt does no good whatsoever.” (“Parent Points” by Fr. Chris Kerhulas, pp. 27-28)

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From the chapter “Express Yourself”:

“Learning to express oneself is crucial to stabilize a child’s emotional core and promote healthy growth. Children who are constantly shut out and told, ‘You are to be seen and not heard,’ or, ‘Do not speak unless spoken to,’ rarely grow up to become loving, caring, and thoughtful people. Why should they? If they are not given the chance to express an opinion and weigh in on life around them, why should any courtesy be extended to the individuals they come into contact with? …The abuse of drugs and alcohol causes one to wonder if these issues might be headed off by behavior modification: stopping and listening to what your child isn’t saying… It seems somewhat rudimentary to say this, but both children and parents have the right to express themselves. When that right gets taken away from either party you will eventually have a crisis on your hands.” (“Parent Points” by Fr. Chris Kerhulas, pp. 33-34)

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From the chapter “Depression: You Will be Found”:

“‘Don’t chastise them or come down on them with a guilt trip,’ I tell these younger clergy. ‘Just be there for them.’ Sometimes a hug or just going to a sporting event or movie with them helps the healing. Unfortunately, many clergy or counselors will scold, frighten, or attempt to shame [a young person in their care]… but what’s more important—casting judgment or helping this young person to heal?”

(“Parent Points” by Fr. Chris Kerhulas, p. 43; brackets replacing a case study in the book)

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From the chapter “God Can Help”:

“Respect for parents, authority figures, oneself, and God is something parents absolutely need to address with their children… The development of free thinkers and young people growing through their decisions—be they positive or negative—can only be achieved if your children know they are loved, cared for, and belong. What we are really talking about here is providing structure. Parents who are too busy or never around to spend time with their children are asking for problems. Define for yourself and your children what structure means and how it can be their friend not only at home, but also in school, at church, and throughout their lives as they grow.”

(“Parent Points” by Fr. Chris Kerhulas, p. 50)

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Point #2 after the chapter “Mentoring: Finally, Somebody Gets Me!”:

“Make sure that activities stimulate the mind as well as the body. Sports should be coupled with enterprises like Scouting, board games, theatre, math, or literature groups. Balance is the key component in healthy experiences. When a group’s leader tells you your child’s involvement in a particular activity is deepening, a mentorship may be on the horizon.”

(“Parent Points” by Fr. Chris Kerhulas, p. 59)

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From the chapter “Divorce is Death”:

“The losers in divorce are almost always the children. And the losses one has to cope with when coming out of a divorce can be even more difficult than losing a parent in death. The positive thing about death is that it allows everyone involved to remember happier times, the beautiful moments, the positive and loving experiences with the recently departed… when a loving (and well-loved) parent dies, pictures are put up all over the house to help us remember the good times and how much we were loved. Divorce tends to bring out the negative and the failures (real or perceived) of the other parent… Pictures are taken down and hidden as if the parent never existed. It’s an attempt to erase the past, a form of denial that can really mess with the children’s minds… That’s the reality of divorce: a death of the complete family unit.”

(“Parent Points” by Fr. Chris Kerhulas, pp. 65-66)

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From the chapter “I Love You… Now Get Out!”:

“Letting go of your children, but never letting them forget you are there for them, is very tough for every parent. You will let go, believe me, or your child will force the separation, which is something you simply don’t want… As a loving parent, you never want to look back and think, ‘If only I had the chance, I would do things differently.’ Whenever possible, you want to be able to look back and say to yourself, ‘I gave it all I had and loved every minute of it, mistakes and all.’”

(“Parent Points” by Fr. Chris Kerhulas, p. 75)

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From the chapter “Gifting: Spend That Extra Cash While You Can (You May Never Have Another Chance)”:

“The sentiment that you should give what you are able, when you are able, and with the resources you have available, is as crucial as any lesson you can impart to your children…We never know what lies around the corner in our lives. So, share the love when you can, and in any way you can… but, you know, don’t go completely nuts.” (“Parent Points” by Fr. Chris Kerhulas, p. 80)

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From the chapter “Who am I? Who Is God, and Where Is He?”:

“A long time ago, a friend told me the following, which I’ve always used in my personal treatment of life in general, and I want you to hear it: ‘I looked for my self, and my self I could not find. I looked for my God, and my God I could not find. I looked for my brother, and I found all three.’”

(“Parent Points” by Fr. Chris Kerhulas, p. 90)

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From the chapter “A Well-Intended Lie”:

“…Although his parents raised him on the well-intended lie, ‘You can be whatever you want to be,’ they are only interested in their oldest becoming a doctor or lawyer… I have seen this scenario replayed countless times during my forty-three years of ministry. Each time it has come up, I’ve witnessed the damage caused by a conflict between well-intentioned parents and youth who are just beginning to discover where their strengths and talents lie… it subverts the well intended lie by instead effectively saying, ‘You can be whatever we want you to be.’ It is an easy trap for a parent to fall into.

 

“Encouraging children and young adults is important. The world we live in so often focuses on the negative, so parents must be a force of positive encouragement in their children’s lives.” (“Parent Points” by Fr. Chris Kerhulas, p. 94)

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From the chapter “I Am Free”:

“All young people run into rough patches. Sometimes they just need someone to talk to, someone to assure them that whatever they’re going through is going to get better.”

(“Parent Points” by Fr. Chris Kerhulas, p. 105)

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On the Sacraments: the Sacrament of Ordination

This post is part of a series about the sacraments of the Orthodox Christian Church. In this post, we will look at the Orthodox Christian Sacrament of ordination, or Holy Orders.

The Orthodox Study Bible defines ordination as “The sacramental act setting a man apart for the ministry of the church by the laying on of hands of a bishop.” (1, p. 1784) Fr. Thomas Hopko’s writings about the sacrament of the Holy Orders begin by reminding his readers, first and foremost, that the Holy Orthodox Church believes and teaches that “Christ is the only priest, pastor, and teacher of the Christian Church. He alone guides and rules His people. He alone forgives sins and offers communion with God, His Father.” (2) These statements do not in any way downplay the importance of the “sacramental setting apart” mentioned above: rather, they help to clarify the role of the one set apart. Christ is continually active in the Church through the Holy Spirit, and He is manifested through these men who have been set apart for His service. “The sacramental ministry of the Church—the bishops, priests, and deacons—receive the gift of the Holy Spirit to manifest Christ in the Spirit to men. Thus, through His chosen ministers, Christ exercises and realizes His unique and exclusive function as priest, perpetually offering Himself as the perfect sacrifice to the Father on behalf of His human brothers and sisters.” Through them, He also teaches, shepherds, oversees, and serves. (2)

Why is this sacrament of ordination also called the sacrament of Holy Orders? Fr. Thomas says it is because those who are ordained give order to the church. “They guarantee the continuity and unity of the Church from age to age and from place to place from the time of Christ and the apostles until the establishment of God’s Kingdom in eternity.” (2) The Holy Spirit is given to them in a special way that helps them to do this work, and “manifest Christ’s presence and action in the churches.” (2)

Ordinations have been a part of the Church’s life from the start. Already in the book of Acts, we read, “So when they had appointed elders in every church, and prayed with fasting, they commended them to the Lord in whom they had believed.” (Acts 14:23, OSB) The Orthodox Study Bible’s footnote on that verse offers this insight: “Elders are presbyters (priests) ordained by the apostles to nurture and lead the churches they established. The word translated ‘appointed’ (Gr. cheirotoneo) means ‘to ordain by the laying on of hands.’” (1, p. 1495) So, from the very beginning of the Church, per the book of Acts, priests have been ordained by the laying on of hands so that they can carry on the work they have been set apart to do.

“Through ordination, men who have been chosen from within the Church are set apart by the Church for special service to the Church. Each is called by God through His people to stand amid the community, as pastor and teacher, and as the representative of the parish before the Altar. Each is also a living icon of Christ among His people…  the process of ordination begins with the local congregation; but the bishop alone, who acts in the name of the universal Church, can complete the action. He does so with the invocation of the Holy Spirit and the imposition of his hands on the person being ordained.” (3)

Ordained leaders have numerous important tasks, and the work varies from order to order. “In the Orthodox Church to this day, the bishops and presbyters are called to focus on prayer and the ministry of the word, with the other ministries being accomplished by the deacons and the laity.” (1, footnotes on Acts 6:2-4, p.1478) The tasks to which those who receive the sacrament of Holy Orders are called are not easy. They cannot be taken lightly, but the Holy Spirit’s extra empowerment enables these men to undertake all that is set before them.

Let us thank God for those who have offered themselves through the sacrament of ordination. Let us support and help them in whatever way that we can. And let us keep them in our prayers, for we know that we are always in theirs.

Glory to God for His gift of the sacrament of ordination!

Sources:

1. Various editors. (2008). The Orthodox Study Bible. USA: St. Athanasius Academy of Orthodox Theology. (available here: http://store.ancientfaith.com/osb-hardcover )
2. Hopko, Fr. Thomas (2011, October 5). The Sacraments: Holy Orders. Retrieved from https://oca.org/orthodoxy/the-orthodox-faith/worship/the-sacraments/holy-orders
3. Fitzgerald, Rev. Fr. Thomas (1985, June 11). Understanding the Sacraments of the Orthodox Church. Retrieved from https://www.goarch.org/-/the-sacraments

Here are some scriptures and quotes from Church Fathers on ordination, as well as a few resources that you may find interesting and helpful as you study this important sacrament. What resources have you found helpful? Comment below and share them with the community!

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“Now in those days, when the number of the disciples was multiplying, there arose a complaint against the Hebrews by the Hellenists, because their widows were neglected in the daily distribution. Then the twelve summoned the multitude of the disciples and said, ‘It is not desirable that we should leave the word of God and serve tables. Therefore, brethren, seek out from among you seven men of good reputation, full of the Holy Spirit and wisdom, whom we may appoint over this business; but we will give ourselves continually to prayer and to the ministry of the word.’ And the saying pleased the whole multitude. And they chose Stephen, a man full of faith and the Holy Spirit, and Philip, Prochorus, Nicanor, Timon, Parmenas, and Nicolas, a proselyte from Antioch, whom they set before the apostles; and when they had prayed, they laid hands on them.” (Acts 6:1-6 NKJV)

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“Do not neglect the gift that is in you, which was given to you by prophecy with the laying on of the hands of the eldership.” (1 Tim. 4:14 NKJV)

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“If from one burning lamp someone lights another, then another from that one, and so on in succession, he has light continuously. In the same way, through the Apostles ordaining their successors, and these successors ordaining others, and so on, the grace of the Holy Spirit is handed down through all generations and enlightens all who obey their shepherds and teachers.” ~ St. Gregory Palamas

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“How can one laugh at a clergyman? So what if he serves poorly? He still has grace. He is ordained. One must not, must not, laugh!” ~ St. Anatoly of Optina

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Our society pushes us to push our children to select good jobs. We need to consider what truly constitutes a “good” job, and pray that our children follow Christ’s leading as they seek their life’s work. What is it like, as a parent to watch your child experience the sacrament of ordination? One mother reflects on her son’s ordination to the priesthood here: http://ww1.antiochian.org/content/mothers-reflections-her-sons-ordination

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Learn much about the Holy Orders in this article: http://www.antiochianarch.org.au/Holy-Orders.aspx

On the Sacraments: the Sacrament of Confession

This post is part of a series about the sacraments of the Orthodox Christian Church. In this post, we will look at the Orthodox Christian Sacrament of Confession.

The Orthodox Study Bible defines confession in a way that acknowledges both aspects of the word as it is used in the Orthodox Church. Confession is “The sacrament of the forgiveness of sins, whereby the repentant sinner confesses his sins to Christ in the presence of the priest, who pronounces God’s absolution of those sins.” It is also “The avowal or verbal witness of faith in Christ, leading to salvation (Rom. 10:9).” (1, p. 1777) In this blog post, we will not be focusing on the second definition (“confession of faith”), but rather on the first; the sacramental aspect of the word, the sacrament which allows us sinners to be restored to right relationship with God.

The mystery or sacrament of confession, also called penance by the Church, is the means by which we are reconciled to God when we have sinned and thereby cut ourselves off from Him and His Church. We are created for communion with God and each other, that is, communion in the sense of life in harmonious community. When we sin, we sever that communion. But we have also been created to partake in the sacrament of communion (or eucharist). Sin severs us from the eucharist, as well. God has kindly made confession/penance available to us, so that we are able to be restored to both communions.

In Fr. Thomas Hopko’s article on penance, he writes that receiving the eucharist fulfills our act of penance, and restores us to communion with our fellow humans. He also offers steps for right living beyond that reconciliation.  “The fulfillment of penance consists in the reception of Holy Communion and the genuine reconciliation of the repentant sinner with God and all men according to the commandments of Christ. From this there obviously follows the necessity of a sincere attempt by the penitent to refrain from sin and to remain in faithful obedience to God and in uprightness of life before Him and all people.” (2)

“In His mercy, God provides the sacrament of confession (more properly called the sacrament of repentance) to give us deliverance from sin… Thus, we come before the holy icon of Christ, to whom we confess, and are guided by our spiritual father in a cleansing inventory of our lives. When we tell God all, naming our sins and failures, we hear those glorious words of freedom that announce Christ’s promise of forgiveness of all our sins. We resolve to ‘go and sin no more’ (Jn 8:11).” (1, p. 1698)

Fr. Hopko’s article details the three main elements of penance. “The first is a sincere sorrow for sins and for the breaking of communion with God. The second is an open and heartfelt confession of sins… The third element of penance is the formal prayer of absolution through which the forgiveness of God through Christ is sacramentally bestowed upon the repentant sinner.” (2) So, we must begin with genuine sorrow for what we have done, followed by a thorough examination of our hearts, then an equally complete confession. At this point, it is the priest who steps in to complete the act by praying the prayer of absolution. As he does, he extends Christ’s forgiveness to us while covering our head with his epitrachelion as Christ covers our sins with His forgiveness.

“According to Orthodox teaching, the penitent confess to God and is forgiven by God. The priest is the sacramental witness who represents both Christ and His people. The priest is viewed not as a judge, but as a physician and guide.” (3) Fr. Thomas Hopko’s article reaffirms that it is only God who forgives sins, and that He does it through Christ in the Church. God requires that our repentance be genuine and that we promise to change. Confession is the chance for us to acknowledge before God and other humans that we are a sinner.

Glory to God for His gift of the sacrament of confession!

 

Sources:

1. Various editors. (2008). The Orthodox Study Bible. USA: St. Athanasius Academy of Orthodox Theology. (available here: http://store.ancientfaith.com/osb-hardcover )
2. Hopko, Fr. Thomas (2011, October 5). The Sacraments: Penance. Retrieved from https://oca.org/orthodoxy/the-orthodox-faith/worship/the-sacraments/penance
3. Fitzgerald, Rev. Fr. Thomas (1985, June 11). Understanding the Sacraments of the Orthodox Church. Retrieved from https://www.goarch.org/-/the-sacraments

Here are some scriptures and quotes from Church Fathers on confession, as well as a few resources that you may find interesting and helpful as you prepare to participate in this important sacrament. What resources have you found helpful? Comment below and share them with the community!

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“Wash yourselves, make yourselves clean. Put away the evils from your souls before My eyes. Cease from your evils. Learn to do good… ‘Come now, and let us reason together,’ says the Lord, ‘although your sins are like crimson, I shall make them white like snow, and although they are as scarlet, I shall make them white like wool.’” Isaiah 1:16-18 OSB

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“If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:8-9 OSB

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“Every genuine confession humbles the soul. When it takes the form of thanksgiving, it teaches the soul that it has been delivered by the grace of God.” ~ St. Maximos the Confessor

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“Only if sinners cease to commit evil and learn to do good and turn to God with humility and repentance they will become ‘white as snow.’ The Lord is mighty and willing. No one, except Him, is able to cleanse the sinful soul of man from sin and, by cleansing, to whiten it. No matter how often linen is washed in water with ashes and soap, no matter how often it is washed and re-washed, it cannot receive whiteness until it is spread under the light of the sun. Thus, our soul cannot become white, no matter how often we cleanse it by our own effort and labor even with the help of all legal means of the law until we, at last, bring it beneath the feet of God, spread out and opened wide so that the light of God illumines it and whitens it.” ~ St. Nikolai Velimirovich

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“‘If you fall, rise and you shall be saved.’ You are a sinner, you continually fall, learn also how to rise; be careful to acquire this wisdom. This is what the wisdom consists in: learning by heart the psalm, ‘Have mercy upon me, O God, after Thy great goodness,’ inspired by the Holy Spirit to the king and prophet David, and say it with sincere faith and trust, with a contrite and humble heart. After your sincere repentance, expressed in the words of King David, the forgiveness of your sins shall immediately shine upon you from the Lord, and your spiritual powers will be at peace.” ~ St. John of Kronstadt

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“Notice the way in which Zacchaeus confessed his sin. He did not say: ‘Lord, I am a sinful man!’, or ‘Avarice is my sickness!’ No; but, showing the fruits of repentance, he thus confessed his sin and his sickness: ‘Behold, Lord, the half of my goods I give to the poor.’ is not this a clear confession that riches are his passion? ‘And if I have taken anything from any man by false accusation, I restore him fourfold.’ Is not this a clear confession that his riches were acquired in a sinful manner? He did not, before this, say to the Lord: ‘I am a sinner, and I repent.’ He confessed this silently to the Lord in his heart, and the Lord silently received his confession and repentance. It is of more importance to the Lord that a man acknowledge and confess his sickness and cry for help in his heart than with this tongue, for the tongue is capable of deception, but the heart is not.” ~ St. Nikolai Velimirovich

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“Sin is an illness. Healing this illness is the work of the whole life. There is no case when it is impossible to repent. A soul can be tough, but there is a disciplinary system of fasts, home prayers and other church prescriptions, which help to awake the soul.” Read more in this article full of recommendations of how to prepare yourself for confession: https://orthodoxcityhermit.com/2017/07/05/twelve-recommendations-on-how-to-prepare-yourself-for-confession/

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“To understand confession in its sacramental sense, one first has to grapple with a few basic questions: Why is the Church involved in forgiving sins? Is priest-witnessed confession really needed? Why confess at all to any human being? In fact, why bother confessing to God, even without a human witness? If God is really all-knowing, then He knows everything about me already. My sins are known before it even crosses my mind to confess them. Why bother telling God what God already knows?” Find answers to these questions in this exceptional article on confession: http://ww1.antiochian.org/content/confession-healing-sacrament (This article is available as a booklet here: http://store.ancientfaith.com/confession-the-healing-sacrament/)

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Want to read more about the holy mystery of confession? Here are a few books available on the topic, as well as a handful of articles:

http://store.ancientfaith.com/if-we-confess-our-sins-preparation-and-prayers/

http://store.ancientfaith.com/the-forgotten-medicine/
http://saintandrewgoc.org/home/2016/11/23/the-holy-mysteries-sacraments-the-mystery-sacrament-of-holy-eucharist-part-iii

http://saintandrewgoc.org/home/2016/11/28/the-holy-mysteries-sacraments-the-mystery-sacrament-of-repentanceconfession-part-ii

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Here are some activities you can do together as a family, in conjunction with a discussion on Confession: http://orthodoxsundayschool.org/book/export/html/930

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Find ideas of ways to prepare for confession, using the 10 commandments as well as the beatitudes to help you evaluate the condition of your heart, here: https://www.goarch.org/-/preparation-for-holy-confession

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If you want a list of many questions, here are almost 100 questions that can help you prepare for confession: http://orthodoxinfo.com/praxis/guide-to-confession.aspx

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Help your child(ren) prepare for confession. Here’s a helpful suggestion of how to do so: http://www.orthodoxmotherhood.com/helping-your-child-prepare-for-confession/

 

Gleanings from a Book: “The Barn and the Book” by Melinda Johnson

Fans of “Shepherding Sam” will be delighted to find both Sam (the boy) and Saucer (the corgi) are back! They each play an important role in “The Barn and the Book,” a brand new book by Melinda Johnson. (Don’t worry, if you did not read “Shepherding Sam,” you can still jump right into “The Barn and the Book” seamlessly!)

“The Barn and the Book” takes place on the grounds of the monastery of St. Gerasim and features Sam’s 3rd and 4th grade Sunday Church School class; their teacher, Sister Anna, and a few of the other nuns; a handful of parents; and of course Saucer the corgi and his friends – the other animals on the monastery farm.

The story happens during a Church year. The students and their families attend the church on the monastery grounds, because it is the only Orthodox church in the area. Throughout the course of the year, everyone works together to prepare to celebrate the monastery’s special anniversary in March. At the beginning of the book, Sister Anna invites her class members to write a story that will be shared at the anniversary celebration. This book is the story of how they find and write their stories in the context of life together. It features humor, realistic characters, and many lessons for its readers.

The story contains many humorous parts. For example, the mere idea and corresponding mental image of a corgi going to Sunday school brings a chuckle to the reader’s smiling lips. Well, he sort of goes to Sunday school… Actually, the corgi (named Saucer) just looks longingly in the window during class because his best buddy Sam is there. Lucky for Saucer, class meets in the basement of the church, so the window is right at corgi level! That is how he is able to keep a good eye (and smashed-to-the-window-pane nose) on things. Saucer is so accurately described that the reader feels they must be able to reach into the book and give him a good scritch.

But Saucer is not the only realistic character! Throughout the book, the reader feels bound to the characters as they experience everything from moments of frustration to those of genuine joy. Readers come to realize how a Sunday Church School teacher feels when no one listens. They want to peacefully wander in the prayer garden with Sister Anna. They also make a mad dash for the door of the Sunday Church School room when the sheep get out of the farm enclosure. They inwardly cheer on the children who challenge themselves to write a story for the celebration, first wondering if the children will be able to pull it off, then rejoicing alongside the others in the book when everyone is pleased (albeit surprised) by the results! Because of its genuine characters, by the end of this book, the reader feels that they have been a part of preparing the monastery for the big celebration.

There are plenty of lessons to be learned from the characters in this book. Take for example, the nun, Sister Anna. She learns a lot over the course of this story, and the reader will do well to learn along with her. First of all, she finally learns to stop comparing herself to others. She comes to understand that she must completely trust her gerontissa, and not to test God, demonstrating with both of these learnings the humility that comes with truly trusting those in authority over us. With her choice of how she handles frustration, Sister Anna teaches us the value of having (and using!) a prayer garden, and demonstrates how the act of stepping out of our routine to pray helps us to calm ourselves as we entrust our frustrations to God. Other characters’ experiences in the story remind us of things like the fact that miracles can happen, while also leaving us wondering whether animals really can talk at midnight on Christmas. Perhaps most importantly of all, an ordinary boy named Sam learns that being present in the moment and choosing to be thankful while in that moment is the most magical thing one can experience. This lesson is an important one for readers of any age.

The story begins in the fall and continues into the spring. Though it covers much of a year, a fairly significant part of the story happens right at Christmastime. Because of the book’s humor, genuine characters, and important lessons, this book will surely be loved by any family adding it to their pile of treasured holiday books!

Purchase your own copy of “The Barn and the Book,” available as a book or an ebook, here: http://store.ancientfaith.com/the-barn-and-the-book/

To listen to the book, purchase the audio copy of “The Barn and the Book.” Author Melinda Johnson reads the book, and listeners can enjoy both her unbridled enthusiasm and her special voices for each character! https://www.audible.com/author/Melinda-Johnson/B004RXKWF4

 

Here are a few gleanings from the book and suggested related activities that your family can do together as you read the book, to extend the learning.

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“Sister Anna was too short and pudgy to move quickly, but she did her best. She wanted to reach the prayer garden without being seen. It was too cold to sit there for long, but Sister Anna needed some quiet time.” (“The Barn and the Book” by Melinda Johnson, pp. 19-20)

 

Where do you go when you are frustrated, embarrassed, or angry? In “The Barn and the Book,” Sister Anna headed to the prayer garden. Sam went to the barn with the animals. Do you have a place that is quiet and peace giving? Maybe it is your family prayer corner, or somewhere else. Talk together as a family about good places to go when you need a minute to regroup and talk with God about what is happening in your life. It will not always be the same place for everyone in the family. What sort of atmosphere do the members of your family need? Consider creating a place that will meet those needs, if you haven’t already. Grow a prayer garden; or set aside part of your property for an animal or two; or create a quiet room or corner. Whatever that space needs to look like for your family, be intentional about making it happen, and encourage its use.

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“‘Do the nuns like me?’ wondered Grace.

‘Sure they do,’ said Elias, grinning. ‘Nuns like everybody.’

‘Everybody?’

Elias nodded. ‘The nuns even like Macrina,’ he said impressively. (“The Barn and the Book” by Melinda Johnson, p. 47)

Have you ever visited a monastery? Monasteries are such holy places for us to visit, where we can pray and rest. When we spend time in one, it is good for our souls and we come away refreshed and grateful for the experience.  Make a family plan to visit one and see for yourself how the nuns (or monks) like everybody! Ask your priest to recommend one for your family to visit. (Look here for additional ones:http://www.orthodox-christianity.org/orthodoxy/countries/usa/usmonasteries/)
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“‘I set the stick up yesterday, and then I came to see if it fell down.’ Sister Anna clasped her hands and reclasped them, squeeze squeeze. ‘If it fell down, or if it didn’t.’
…The abbess smiled, but Sister Anna did not see her smile. ‘You have made a test with your stick.’

‘Yes, Gerontissa.’

‘You set a trap for God. In the garden. With a stick… You want Him to tell you something now, and He has not told you something for you to hear, so you set a trap for Him, to make Him tell.’” (“The Barn and the Book” by Melinda Johnson, pp. 96-97)
Sister Anna is not the first person who loved God and made a test (or, in the words of “The Barn and the Book,” “set a trap for God”) to try to get Him to answer a question. Have you ever done something like this? If so, you’re not alone! Even in the Old Testament of the Bible, we read a story about this. Gideon used the fleece of a sheep to ask for God’s guidance. Find the story in Judges 6:36-40. What did Gideon want to know (what was the reason he set out the fleece)? Did he get his answer? If you have the Orthodox Study Bible, be sure to read the footnotes on this passage. What was Gideon’s fleece the type of?

Find a lesson plan suggestion, complete with activity suggestions, on the story of Gideon, here: https://missionbibleclass.org/old-testament/part2/judges-and-ruth/gideon-and-the-fleece/

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“‘Do you think he will go in the barn?’ asked Grace, lowering her voice.

‘Go in the barn? What for?’

‘For the animals. You remember, like you told him.’

“Ohhhh. You mean to hear the animals talk at midnight on Christmas Ever?’

Grace nodded vigorously.

‘I don’t know. Won’t he be asleep?’

‘Maybe he could stay awake. Maybe I could stay awake. I want to go, too.’

Elias shrugged. ‘I don’t think your parents are going to let you go in the barn in the middle of the night.’” (“The Barn and the Book,” by Melinda Johnson, pp. 120-121)

Have you heard before about the idea that perhaps animals can talk at midnight on Christmas Eve? What do you think about that idea? Here’s one legend that offers a possible reason: https://tarapollard.wordpress.com/2013/12/13/the-legend-of-the-talking-animals-2/

And here’s one family’s funny memory of a child who went to the barn on Christmas Eve to find out for herself if they really do: http://www.walkdownthelane.com/animals-talk-on-christmas-eve/

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“‘Hi, Macrina!’

Macrina turned sideways to see who was talking to her… ‘Hello, Grace… Thank you so much for the nice card. My mom gave it to me.’
Grace smiled happily. ‘You’re welcome!’

They walked a few steps more and had almost reached the refectory door when Macrina spoke again. ‘Do you want to sit with me at lunch?’

‘Sure!’ Grace gave a little skip. She was now even more certain that her card had brought Macrina back to health. Why else would Macrina want to sit with her?” (“The Barn and the Book,” by Melinda Johnson, pp. 106-107)

Have you, like Grace, ever done something small but kind for someone who was not so kind to you? Did it change your relationship in a positive way? Who in your life right now would benefit from a small kindness? What kind thing could you do for them? Of course, you can (and should!) pray for them, but what else? Write them a note? Secretly do a chore for them? Bake them cookies? If you need ideas of kind things to do for someone else, check out the ideas at the end of this blog (https://orthodoxchristianparenting.wordpress.com/2014/02/12/try-a-little-kindness/) or this one (https://orthodoxchristianparenting.wordpress.com/2015/12/30/on-being-a-bucket-filler/).

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“…Some people might want to know why the monastery is called the Monastery of Saint Gerasim and the Lion. Saint Gerasim was an abbot at a monastery in the Holy Land a long time ago… He helped a lion with a hurt paw, and the lion became his friend and lived at the monastery. The nuns chose this saint because they helped the animals who lived at the farm that used to be here, and the farm turned into a monastery, just like Saint Gerasim’s lion sort of turned into a monk.” (part of Macrina’s story, from “The Barn and the Book,” by Melinda Johnson, p. 153)

 

To learn more about St. Gerasim (also called St. Gerasimos), check out this blog post: https://orthodoxchristianparenting.wordpress.com/2016/02/24/learning-about-a-saint-st-gerasimos-of-the-jordan-commemorated-on-march-4/

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Gleanings from a Book: “I Pray Today” by Angela Isaacs

Parents desiring to raise their children in the Faith know that their children need to embrace the Faith for themselves. These parents must help their children begin to nurture their very own relationship with Christ and His Church. One of the most powerful ways a parent can do this is by leading their child(ren) into a life of prayer. Angela Isaacs’ new board book, “I Pray Today,” clearly models what it means to live a life of prayer. This book will help parents to help their children begin to live a life of prayer. It begins thus:

Good morning, God. The day is new.
I say my first small prayer to You.
Lord, have mercy.

“I Pray Today” takes its readers by the hand and guides them through a day in the life of a young girl. Throughout her day, she wakes, eats, misses a sick friend, plays, gets hurt, and eventually unwinds and goes to bed, just like we all do. But at every turn, she prays, “Lord, have mercy.” (Well, one time she forgets, oops! But Daddy helps her to remember!)

Angela Isaacs has beautifully worded this book. Throughout her day, the little girl’s activities are conveyed in rollicking verses that are fun to read and delightful to hear. The clever rhymes are likely to be memorized in a short time, after a few re-readings. And at each moment, there’s a “Lord, have mercy!” as she turns to Christ in prayer throughout her day. Children will be drawn to the verses, and want to read the book again and again.

The illustrations in this book are simple and charming. Amandine Wanert uses child-level perspective (with an occasional “birds eye” for variety) to help children feel that they are right there in the young girl’s day. Readers will be drawn into the girl’s world and will recognize there elements of their own life. There are just enough details in each illustration to make it believable, without overwhelming the eye. Orthodox children will also find details like crosses and icons in her world which they recognize from their own world. Children will absorb these details and be comforted by their simplicity.

“I Pray Today” gently teaches its readers the value of prayer while also modeling what it looks like to pray throughout the day. Readers of all ages will enjoy this book. Children will like the lyrical wording and lovely illustrations, and adults will treasure its message. This book is a must for a Christian family’s library.

 

You can find “I Pray Today” here: http://store.ancientfaith.com/i-pray-today-board-book/

 

Here are a few related links and ideas that can help you as you share “I Pray Today” with the children in your life:
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“I Pray Today” author Angela Isaacs recently went on a blog tour, wherein she was a guest blogger on other blogs. On this tour, she wrote blogs related to her book. Find the first one here (and links to the others at the bottom of the page): https://blogs.ancientfaith.com/raisingsaints/guest-post-from-angela-isaacs-what-parenting-taught-me-about-a-life-of-prayer/
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Even children older than toddlers will benefit from hearing/reading “I Pray Today.” Families with children of varied ages can read the book as part of a family discussion on prayer. After reading it, talk together about how to make God an important part of every part of each day. When is a good time to pray? Talk together about times in the day when your family prays. Invite ideas of additional times you could pray. If your children like to draw and/or write, you may wish to use this printable to help them commit to praying at one of those times.
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If “I Pray Today” strikes a chord with your family and you decide together to pursue a more fervent prayer life, you may find this blog helpful: https://orthodoxchristianparenting.wordpress.com/2017/08/09/on-practical-reminders-to-pray/
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Parents and older children may want to ponder this quote from St. Ambrose of Optina: “Pray for yourself and seek only the mercy and will of God; whether you are in church or outside of church walking, sitting or lying down, pray, ‘Lord have mercy, however you think best, however you will.’”

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Parents desiring to boost their own personal prayer times may want to read this blog (and the book which it features): https://orthodoxchristianparenting.wordpress.com/2017/08/30/gleanings-from-a-book-when-you-pray-a-practical-guide-to-an-orthodox-life-of-prayer-by-l-joseph-letendre/

On the Sacraments: the Sacrament of the Eucharist

This post is part of a series about the sacraments of the Orthodox Christian Church. In this post, we will look at the Orthodox Christian Sacrament of the eucharist.

Of the many sacraments of the Church, the Holy Eucharist is central. “Everything in the Church leads to the eucharist, and all things flow from it. It is the completion of all the Church’s sacraments—the source and the goal of all of the Church’s doctrines and institutions.” (1) If one takes a moment to think about the sacraments of the church, it is evident that this is true! Baptism, chrismation, and confession make us eligible and prepared to receive the eucharist. Ordination provides the blessed hands (and heart) to prepare and serve it. Marriage and unction flow from the abundant grace of the eucharist, and both of these sacraments can/should go on to become healing elements for members of the Church and society in general. So all of the mysteries of the Church have the eucharist at their heart.

But what does the word mean? And how did this sacrament begin? The Orthodox Study Bible’s definition of eucharist explains that the word is “taken from a Greek word [Ευχαριστία] meaning ‘thanksgiving.’”(2, p. 1779) It goes on to remind the reader that during the Last Supper, our Lord gave thanks, then it reminds us that “embodied in the communion service is our own thanksgiving.” (ibid)

How beautiful it is that this thanksgiving that we find in our communion service was actually begun by our Lord Himself when He gave thanks in the midst of the Last Supper (which was a celebration of the Jewish Passover meal). When Christ told His disciples to eat and drink the bread and wine as His Body and Blood, that action “became the center of the Christian life, the experience of the presence of the Risen Christ in the midst of His people.” (1) They did just that, and we continue to do it today. The eucharist has been practiced in the Holy Orthodox Church since the first century, according to the Didache!

The sacrament of eucharist is available to all members of the Orthodox Church, and is “strictly understood as being the real presence of Christ, His true Body and Blood mystically present in the bread and wine which are offered to the Father in His name and consecrated by the divine Spirit of God.” (1) Because of this, we take the eucharist very seriously, preparing our hearts and our bodies with prayer, confession, and fasting before communing, and reserving the act of communion for Orthodox Christians in good standing with the Church.

Glory to God for His gift of the sacrament of the eucharist! May He make us worthy to partake of it, and as we do, may He cleanse and purify us that we may become ever more like Him!

Sources:

1. Hopko, Fr. Thomas (2011, October 5). The Sacraments: Holy Eucharist. Retrieved from https://oca.org/orthodoxy/the-orthodox-faith/worship/the-sacraments/holy-eucharist .
2. Various editors. (2008). The Orthodox Study Bible. USA: St. Athanasius Academy of Orthodox Theology. (available here: http://store.ancientfaith.com/osb-hardcover )

 

Here are some scriptures and quotes from Church Fathers on the sacrament of the eucharist, as well as a few resources that you may find interesting and helpful as you study the sacrament.

What resources have you found helpful? Comment below and share them with the community!

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“He who eats My flesh and drinks My blood abides in Me, and I in him.” (John 6:56, NKJV)

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“And as they were eating, Jesus took bread, blessed and broke it, and gave it to the disciples and said, ‘Take, eat; this is My body.’ Then He took the cup, and gave thanks, and gave it to them, saying, ‘Drink from it, all of you. For this is My blood of the new covenant, which is shed for many for the remission of sins.’” (Matt. 26:26-28, NKJV)

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“For I received from the Lord that which I also delivered to you: that the Lord Jesus on the same night in which He was betrayed took bread; and when He had given thanks, He broke it and said, ‘Take, eat; this is My body which is broken for you; do this in remembrance of Me.’ In the same manner He also took the cup after supper, saying, ‘This cup is the new covenant in My blood. This do, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of Me.’ For as often as you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death till He comes.”  (1 Cor 11:23–26, NKJV)

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“If the poison of pride is swelling up in you, turn to the Eucharist; and that Bread, Which is your God humbling and disguising Himself, will teach you humility. If the fever of selfish greed rages in you, feed on this Bread; and you will learn generosity. If the cold wind of coveting withers you, hasten to the Bread of Angels; and charity will come to blossom in your heart. If you feel the itch of intemperance, nourish yourself with the Flesh and Blood of Christ, Who practiced heroic self-control during His earthly life; and you will become temperate. If you are lazy and sluggish about spiritual things, strengthen yourself with this heavenly Food; and you will grow fervent. Lastly, if you feel scorched by the fever of impurity, go to the banquet of the Angels; and the spotless Flesh of Christ will make you pure and chaste.” ~ St. Cyril of Alexandria

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“Whenever we enter the church and draw near to the heavenly mysteries, we ought to approach with all humility and fear, both because of the presence of the angelic powers and out of the reverence due to the sacred oblation; for as the Angels are said to have stood by the Lord’s body when it lay in the tomb, so we must believe that they are present in the celebration of the Mysteries of His most sacred Body at the time of consecration.” ~ St.  Bede the Venerable

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“Until a man’s earthly life finishes its course, up to the very departure of the soul from the body, the struggle between sin and righteousness continues within him. However, high a spiritual and moral state one might achieve, a gradual or even headlong and deep fall into the abyss of sin is always possible. Therefore, communion of the holy Body and Blood of Christ, which strengthens our contact with Him and refreshes us with the living streams of the grace of the Holy Spirit flowing through the Body of the Church, is necessary for everyone.” ~ St. John the Wonderworker of Shanghai and San Francisco

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“For a man’s complete sanctification, the body of the servant of the Lord must be united with the Body of Christ, and this is accomplished in the Mystery of Holy Communion. The true Body and the true Blood of Christ which we receive become part of the great Body of Christ.

Of course, for union with Christ, the mere conjoining of our body with the Body of Christ does not suffice. The consumption of the Body of Christ becomes beneficial when in spirit we strive towards Him and unite ourselves with Him. Receiving the Body of Christ, while turning away from Him in spirit, is like the contact with Christ which they had who struck Him and mocked and crucified Him. Their contact with Him served not for their salvation and healing, but for their condemnation. But those who partake with piety, love and readiness to serve Him, closely unite themselves with Him and become instruments of His Divine will.” ~ St. John the Wonderworker of Shanghai and San Francisco

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“When going to the Holy Mysteries, go with simplicity of heart, in full faith that you will receive the Lord within yourself, and with the proper reverence towards this. What your state of mind should be after this, leave it to the Lord Himself. Many desire ahead of time to receive this or that from Holy Communion, and then, not seeing what they wanted, they are troubled, and even their faith in the power of the Mystery is shaken. The fault lies not with the Mystery, but with superficial assumptions. Do not promise yourself anything. Leave everything to the Lord, asking a single mercy from Him — to strengthen you in every kind of good so that you will be acceptable to Him. The fruit of Communion most often has a taste of sweet peace in the heart; sometimes it brings enlightenment to thought and inspiration to one’s devotion to the Lord; sometimes almost nothing is apparent, but afterward in one’s affairs there is a noted a great strength and steadfastness in the diligence one has promised.” ~ St. Theophan the Recluse

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Revel in the beauty of this multifaceted list of what the eucharist is, by Fr. Alexander Schmemann: http://ww1.antiochian.org/eucharist

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“The policy of closed communion does not imply that those outside the Orthodox Church are considered not to be Christians, or not to be saved. The Church explicitly refuses to pass judgment concerning the salvation of any individual, within or outside her walls. But having received the deposit of Faith from the Lord and His Apostles, and having faithfully kept it intact down to this day, the Church must protect that deposit by extending communion only to those who have united themselves to her.” ~ Fr. James Bernstein, http://store.ancientfaith.com/communion-a-family-affair/

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In what ways is the sacrament of the eucharist like the coal in Isaiah 6:7? Read this article to find out: http://ww1.antiochian.org/holy-eucharist-live-coal