Category Archives: Parenting

On Traveling with Children

Author’s note: Both of my children left home to travel on the day this was written. They are visiting different parts of the world (one went to Brussels, the other to Boston). They are both now old enough to plan their own trips and do their own packing. However, it was not too long ago when I was both family packer and entertainment provider. This post is for those of us still in that position. Enjoy this season of family travel: another season will be headed your way before you know it!

Traveling with children is a joy. Children help us to take our travels at a more relaxed pace, to rest more often (especially in their younger, “still napping” years), and they help us to not overbook our vacation adventures. Their wonder at the discoveries made along the way is an added bonus. The love for life and adventure that our children bring to our lives is even more noticeable on trips, probably because we are not “working” and thus have more time to notice and savor it (and them)!

That said, traveling with children offers us a different kind of work. It requires us to be on our a-game even more than usual. We need to be well prepared even before we begin the trip, thinking of all that the family will need to wear/eat/do, so that we can better enjoy all the joys mentioned above.. While traveling, we often need to think fast and/or be able to improvise if there are events or needs we did not prepare for before leaving on the trip.

In the event that you are preparing to travel with children, we have compiled a collection of links of ideas that can help you to be prepared as you travel. We hope that some of these will be useful to you, whether now or in years to come. When you travel again, may you have safe travels! May God bless your family’s time together and fill your travels with happy memories!

This travel prayer is a great place to start:
Lord Jesus,

You who are the Way, the Truth, and the Life;

You who travelled with Your servant Joseph;

You who accompanied Your two disciples on the road to Emmaus and set their hearts aflame with the warmth of your love;

Travel with (us) also and bless (our) journey.

Warm and gladden (our) hearts with the nearness of Your Presence.
Surround (us) with Your holy angels to keep (us) safe.

Deliver and protect (us) from all danger, misfortune and temptation.

Keep (us) in the center of Your love and obedient to Your will.

Journey always with (us) in (our) greater journey as pilgrims on earth on (our) way home to You.

Help (us) return home again in peace, health, and good will that (we) may praise and glorify Your exalted Name, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, all the days of (our) life.

Amen

Here are some travel ideas that we found. What ideas do you have? Please comment and share them with the community!

***

Taking a road trip? Orthodox Mom has you covered, with printable activity page links, good behavior ideas, even links to snack recipes that travel well! Check it out for one sweet road trip: http://www.orthodoxmom.com/2012/06/27/road-trip-activities/

***

Are you anticipating any long travel days? This mom offers suggestions for an activity binder that uses plastic sleeves and dry-erase markers so the activities can be done over and over. We especially liked the photocopied face pictures that can be “doodled on,” then erased and redrawn! Check out the suggestions for a long car (or plane, or boat) trip here:

http://www.itsalwaysautumn.com/2012/5/14/disneyland-week-what-to-do-in-the-car.html

***

The 20 ideas and links found in this blog post are geared for airplane travel, but most of them would work in the car/train/boat/bus as well. We especially liked the velcro craft stick idea and the rainbow rice “I Spy” bottle: https://www.merakilane.com/20-easy-travel-activities-to-keep-kids-happy-on-an-airplane/?utm_content=buffere4517&utm_medium=social&utm_source=pinterest.com&utm_campaign=buffer#_a5y_p=1853702

***

Traveling with a toddler? Here are a bunch of ideas you may want to consider. Perhaps some of them would work for you and your toddler(s):

http://wtftheblog.com/2015/08/how-to-keep-your-toddler-busy-on.html

***

One mom’s ideas have been turned into (free!) printable pages that you can find at the bottom of this blog:

https://mothersniche.com/the-ultimate-travel-activity-kit-free-printables-and-super-fun/

***

Find ideas for puzzles and games to make ahead of time, craft-type learning activity kits to assemble, a pizza box “town” suggestion, and fun (free!) printables for games for your family to play as you take a car trip together here:

http://www.123homeschool4me.com/2013/05/50-ideas-for-car-trip-fun.html

***

Find suggestions for things to put in each of your children’s parent-assembled travel kits here:

http://naturalfamilytoday.com/parenting/diy-kids-travel-activity-kits/

***

Find printable scavenger hunt lists (for varied ages) for road trips here:

http://www.momsminivan.com/scavenger.html

***

Need more ideas for travel binders? Check these out:

http://www.kcedventures.com/blog/40-free-printable-road-trip-activities

***

Want some help organizing your road trip? This is amazingly well thought through:

http://www.suitcasesandsippycups.com/2015/08/the-ultimate-road-trip-packing-list.html

On an Intentional Summer Plan

The school year is wrapping up in North America. For many of us with school-aged children, this means our schedules will change because there is no school or we take a break from homeschooling. This is a good time for us to think ahead a bit, so that we are prepared for this change. This season with its different schedule offers us a great opportunity to further nurture our children’s faith, grow their love for family and neighbors, and even sneak in a little learning (shhh!) along the way. We don’t want to pass that up, do we?!?

It is most likely that all of us have great intentions for summer. Unfortunately, intentions alone do not reach goals. Making those intentions bear fruit requires planning and commitment. So, in order to best take advantage of this chance we’re being given, let us make a plan and commit to act on it! Our plan does not have to be grandiose: even a simple plan will help us head in the intended direction and will be very successful if we carry it out.

So, the question is this: what is our goal for this summer? Do we want to nurture our children’s faith? Do we want to help them better love others, building our family relationships and strengthening their friendships outside of the family? Do we want them to keep learning? It is very likely that we would like all of these things to happen! To keep it simple, let us select one area to commit to nurturing this summer. (Of course, we can select as many summer goals as we wish, but it would be better for us to select one and do it well than to try to attain all of them and find ourselves meeting none of them or quitting because we are overwhelmed!)

Once we have selected our intended goal for the summer, let us take a little time to consider how we can make it happen. We should brainstorm specific goals for that area that we are committed to improving, talk with our spouse (and our spiritual father, depending on what the goal is!) about it, research ideas of ways our family can make it happen, etc. Then, let us schedule steps in that direction, and write them into the family’s summer plans. These steps can be specific activities that will help us reach this goal or a simple checkup reminders along the way that are placed in our schedule to keep the goal fresh in our minds throughout the summer. The most important step of this process of attaining our family’s summer goal is this: we must do these things that we’ve planned that will help us reach our goal! At the end of the summer, our family should take a little time – even just a few minutes – to talk about the goal and how we succeeded in pursuing/attaining it this summer. We can review the things we did and learned, and then talk about how to continue applying the learning while still growing in this area as the next school year begins.

Each of us knows what our family needs, and in what ways we all need to grow this summer. It falls to us parents to make a plan and pursue it with our children. May God grant us wisdom, creativity, commitment, growth, and great joy as we press on together as a family to meet our family’s summer goal!

What is your goal for your family this summer? Share it below, and read on for links that you may find helpful as you make your plans!

***

Our favorite find as we prepared for this post? This list of Orthodox things for kids to do over summer! Find a variety of suggested ideas that can work across many goals, here: http://www.theorthodoxchildrenspress.com/uncategorized/30-orthodox-things-to-do-this-summer/

***

Our own personal mindset can make or break our work towards the family goal for the summer. Let’s choose to SAVOR this time with our kids, as suggested in this blog post (which also offers some ideas of ways to meet our family’s goal!):

https://orthodoxchristianparenting.wordpress.com/2014/05/28/savoring-summer-time-with-our-children/

***

A great way to help nurture our children’s faith is to make it possible for them to attend Church camp. Check out this list to find one in your area if you have not already done so, and then send them to camp! http://orthodoxscouter.blogspot.com/2017/05/how-to-find-orthodox-summer-camps-for.html

***

“How can we continue on our journey with Christ during the summer months?  Try implementing some of the ideas below and use them for inspiration in finding additional ways to keep your family close to Christ!” Read those ideas here:

http://www.antiochian.org/christianeducation/takethesummerchallenge

***

One way we can work towards strengthening the relationships in our family by nurturing fun memories is through playing together. Check out the recommendations we offered in this blog if you need some fresh ideas: https://orthodoxchristianparenting.wordpress.com/2015/05/27/go-out-and-play-ideas-for-summertime-outdoor-fun/

***

This blog post is geared towards home schooling parents, but the concept is applicable to everyone, especially if our family summer goal is to better love our neighbors. It offers some ideas of ways to help our children learn how to think beyond themselves and our family and to find ways to bless other people. Read more here: http://thecharactercorner.com/teaching-our-kids-to-be-a-blessing-to-others/

***

One of the best things we can do with/for our children over summer to help them to keep learning is to read with them! Need ideas? Here are a few suggestions:

Picture books offer art AND a story line. Consider challenging yourselves to read as many of the best picture books as you can, this summer! Here’s the Caldecott list* (the Caldecott Medal is offered by the American Library Association to the “best picture book” written each year): http://www.ala.org/alsc/awardsgrants/bookmedia/caldecottmedal/caldecotthonors/caldecottmedal

 

Historical fiction offers insights into times gone by. Here are one person’s top 45 historical fiction books for middle-years kids: http://www.whatdowedoallday.com/historical-fiction-books-for-kids/

 

For fantastic stories, look no farther than the Newbery Medal list. The American Library Association awards the John Newbery Medal to the “best chapter book” written each year. Find new favorites (and/or revisit old ones) from this list*: http://www.ala.org/alsc/awardsgrants/bookmedia/newberymedal/newberyhonors/newberymedal

 

*In both of these cases, be sure to check out the honor books as well: some years there are many, many amazing books written/illustrated. The “honor” books listed are equally fantastic as the “winners!”

 

On Sharing Our Love (Beyond Valentine’s Day)

For a few weeks of every year, our culture is inundated with love. Everywhere we go we see hearts, roses, chocolates, Cupid and his arrows, and Valentine’s Day cards. The world is a swirl of pink and red. Then Valentine’s Day comes, and we can definitely feel the love! But what about February 15th? Or the 22nd? Or March 19? Do we still feel the love then? Even more importantly, are we still sharing our love then?

It is easy to focus on making sure our family feels loved on that one special day, Valentine’s Day. It is appropriate for us to celebrate our loved ones and declare our love for them! But why stop at just Valentine’s Day? Our family members should be at the top of our “I want you to know that I love you” list: not just on February 14, but all year long!

The purpose of this blog post is to encourage each of us to continue to let our family members know that we love them, even on “ordinary” days. We searched and found many ideas of ways to do just that. We are sharing a few of the ideas in hopes that some will strike a chord with each of us and ignite in us a new determination to warm our family members with our love. If we do so, even when all the roses have wilted, the chocolates have been eaten, and the Valentine’s Day cards have been read, our family members will get the message: “I love you, and I always will.”

Here are a few of the ideas we found:

***

Print some little love cards to tuck in lunches or sock drawers: http://www.bhg.com/holidays/valentines-day/cards/funny-pun-quotes-for-your-valentines-day-card/

or here: https://a.dilcdn.com/bl/wp-content/uploads/sites/8/2016/01/lunchbox-notes.jpg

or here: http://www.faithfilledfoodformoms.com/encouraging-lunch-box-notes-for-kids/

***

Love your children by better loving your spouse. Perhaps some of these ideas will inspire you:  http://www.shelivesfree.com/2015/02/26-simple-ways-connect-spouse.html

***

Occasionally cut your family’s food in heart shapes to remind them of your love. (see http://www.bhg.com/holidays/valentines-day/cards/valentines-day-gift-ideas/?slideId=18fe1b39-34ce-4f90-9dc4-cf752bcaaa0c)

***

Leave loving messages on steamy mirrors or family message boards: http://www.bhg.com/holidays/valentines-day/cards/valentines-day-gift-ideas/?slideId=8ea73eec-1d32-4f1b-9425-1f036d6da0ba

***

“I don’t believe you can over-love people. Sometimes it’s quiet and subtle, and other times it’s loud and, in my case, obnoxious.” Read more, and get ideas of ways to “spring a love attack on your family” in this blog: http://www.thehouseofhendrix.com/2015/02/11/50-ways-love-attack-on-family/

***

Sticky notes can surprise family members with loving notes almost anywhere! http://www.bhg.com/holidays/valentines-day/cards/valentines-day-gift-ideas/?slideId=ebbb219e-8c3d-49d5-89c8-4914d92cff8d

***

Make up a secret “I love you!” handshake or motion with each member of the family. You can send them the message anytime, anywhere with this method! http://www.bhg.com/holidays/valentines-day/cards/valentines-day-gift-ideas/?slideId=e685ce72-4121-43db-97e3-a069d003a538

***

Write a secret message on white paper with white crayon (to be revealed with watercolor paint) or on white paper with a lemon-juice-moistened cotton swab (to be revealed with the heat of a light bulb or an iron). http://www.bhg.com/holidays/valentines-day/cards/valentines-ideas/?slideId=4e2cc7e2-f14a-4cf3-af21-1a5271f23024

***

Consider creating a stash of “love monsters” that your family can use to surprise each other with a little hide-and-find game. A very small version of these little monsters would work: http://eighteen25.com/2013/01/lil-love-monsters/. Or, if you’re not the crafty type, purchase small toy dinosaurs or plastic animals or some other small-but-sturdy toy, draw a heart on each with a gold permanent marker, and use them instead. Once you have your “love monsters” ready, hide them in your family members’ space: a pocket, a briefcase, a backpack, a drawer. When the “love monster” is found, the next part of the game begins: the finder tries to figure out who put the monster there! He/she is awarded with a hug/lovingwords/high five when they solve the mystery, and then secretly prepares to hide the “love monster” in another family member’s things when they least expect it, and the game begins again. Having several “love monsters” hiding out in your home at the same time makes the guessing more fun.

***

Here is a great list of 100 more ways to show your kids that you love them: http://totallythebomb.com/100-ways-show-kids-love

Gleanings from a Book: “Parenting Toward the Kingdom” by Dr. Philip Mamalakis

I was so excited when I learned that this book was in the works! Before reading it, I had great expectations: I anticipated that it would be filled with gentle nudges towards godliness based both on years of education and personal experience. I knew that the wisdom in this book would be presented in a practical way backed by the in-the-trenches research that life with 7 children offers to their parents. And once I received and read the book, I was not at all disappointed!

My expectations for this book were the result of personal experience. Our family had the privilege of meeting the Mamalakis family at Family Camp at the Antiochian Village years ago when they were the featured presenters for the parent sessions. We learned so much from Dr. Mamalakis (and from his lovely wife, Georgia) while we were together. My husband and I could step out of the parent sessions and immediately apply the concepts we had just discussed. Our family is the better for having learned these principles, however imperfectly we have applied them. (An aside: We also benefitted from watching the Mamalakis parents apply the principles they had shared, as they interacted with their children over the course of the family camp sessions. It is a joy to watch these parents lovingly guide their children using the principles! There is an abundance of love in Mamalakis family, and these principles allow them to parent their children in the context of that great love. It is a joy to experience.)
But I digress. Let’s get back to the book. “Parenting Toward the Kingdom” outlines the principles that the Mamalakis family has followed:

  1. Always parent with the end in mind.
  2. Respond, don’t react.
  3. Understand struggles in terms of the values and the virtues of the Kingdom of God.
  4. Separate feelings from behaviors.
  5. Teach the joy of obedience.
  6. Teach the joy of repentance.

Each principle has a chapter (or four!) of the book dedicated to it. Every chapter takes an in-depth look at the principle and cites personal experiences or related stories. The stories and examples make this book very accessible to its readers. The principles can be immediately applied, just as my husband and I experienced when we sat under the Mamalakis’ teachings at Family Camp. I would highly recommend this book to any parent or educator who wants to lovingly guide the children in their care in a godly manner. The book would be a great Adult Sunday Church School curriculum, parish book study, or parenting class text.

“Parenting Toward the Kingdom” is easy read. However, its principles will take a lifetime to apply. May God help (and forgive!) all of us as we parent, grandparent, godparent, and otherwise raise His children towards His Kingdom!

Here are a few quotes from the book, to give you a taste of its contents. Purchase your own copy at http://store.ancientfaith.com/parenting-toward-the-kingdom/.

***

“Parenting cannot be reduced to a series of steps, techniques, or strategies. The goal of this book is to help parents understand how the daily challenges of parenting relate to our journey in Christ and  our child’s journey in Christ, intimately connected to the life of the Church, and how that connection can inform our responses. Understanding this, we can put all the techniques and strategies in this book in their proper context. Using this book requires that you take a genuine interest in your child and reflect on your own personal spiritual journey. Understanding this, we can put this book in its proper place.” (pp. 12-13)

***

“Thinking long-term means thinking about how  you want your children to conduct themselves when they are on their own, away at college, or married with children of their own. What type of adults do you want them to become… As parents… we want our children to be successful in life. As Christian parents, we need to be clear about what we mean by successful. That’s where God’s perspective on success becomes important.” (p. 19)

***

“Parenting is not about stopping misbehaviors or getting children to listen to us. It is the process of shaping and guiding our children’s souls in and toward God’s love through the tasks that need to be accomplished and the struggles of daily life. We are teaching them about the spiritual life and the path of holiness as we break up sibling fights or get them to clean their rooms. We are walking with them on that path, on the journey, of growing closer to God in daily life.” (p. 24)

***

“We would never deface an icon, yet when we get angry, attack, criticize, or mock our children, we vandalize the icon of Christ. We don’t worship icons, either, yet when we are lenient or indulge our children’s desires, giving in to their demands, we are worshipping our kids, not Christ—which is equally destructive.” (p. 36-37)

***

“Learning how to parent is not about learning how to get our children to behave; it’s about learning how to get ourselves to behave. Remember, modeling is the most effective way to teach our children. The goal of this parenting book is to invite parents how to learn to act like adults, no matter what childish behaviors our kids present to us.” (p. 51)

***

“While some children act up because they want everyone to look at them, I’d like to suggest that most often our kids are looking for a connection with their parents, not for mere attention… Connection is central to our human nature, and children are wired to seek it.” (p. 66)

***

“If we correct, command, direct, or react to our children before connecting with them, it communicates that we are more concerned about where cleats and balls go than about who they are.” (p.165)

***

“Time-outs are most often misused as consequences by parents… A time-out is not a consequence, just a good idea. It is, in fact, exactly what a child might need at that moment… Sports teams don’t take time-outs as punishment but as an opportunity to slow down, regroup, and make a plan for going forward… Kids need time-outs when they cannot control themselves or their behaviors. In fact, taking a time-out is something we all need to learn to do when we feel out of control.” (p. 210)

***

“Never make decisions for your children or tell them what to do when they can figure things out by themselves. Letting children experience the effects of their decisions respects their intelligence, their ability to learn, and their developing judgment and autonomy. Kids learn better from firsthand experience than from our telling them what to do, anyway.” (p. 227)

***

“We teach the joy of obedience by helping our children see that obedience is not something just for children. Obedience to God’s commandments is the path for all, parents and children alike… When children feel connected to their parents and see their parents living in obedience to God, they internalize obedience to God as the path of life.” (p. 264)

***

“If we are trying to love our children and grow in Christ, then our mistakes become just another opportunity to teach. Remember, our children will learn ore from how we live than from what we say. Children learn how to handle their mistakes by watching how we handle our own… When we repent we show our children both the right path and how to get back on the path when we fall off.” (p. 288)

***

“To parent toward the Kingdom requires us to improve the way we interact with our children in every situation and to connect our hearts and homes to Christ and His Church. In this way our children experience the love of God in the home and encounter Christ and His Church in the center of it.” (p. 317)

Gleanings from a Book: “Orthodox Christian Parenting Cultivating God’s Creation” By Marie Eliades

We recently discovered the book Orthodox Christian Parenting – Cultivating God’s Creation by Marie L. Eliades, published by Zoe Press in 2012. This book is a compilation of quotes and writings about raising and educating Orthodox Christian children. The text is gathered both from Church fathers and contemporary Orthodox Christians, and is presented by theme. (An important note: the introduction to the book tells more about the project and encourages readers to discuss what they read with their spiritual father to see what is best for their own family.)

Themes include:

“The Bigger Picture” (addresses why the book’s content is important)

“Marriage and New Beginnings” (sets the foundation for a new Orthodox family, and offers Orthodox perspectives on infertility/pregnancy/childbirth/adoption/loss of a child)

“Raising our Children” (speaks to childrearing from early childhood through youth)

“In the House of the Lord” (offers the basics of Orthodox family life at Church and at home)

“Adolescence and Growing Up” (talks about the issues and challenges that older children and their related adults face)

“So, They’re Leaving Home” (suggestions for launching a young adult)

We found many encouraging and challenging quotes throughout the book, and will share a few of them with you. This book will be of great benefit to any Orthodox Christians who marry, raise children, and/or teach children about the Faith. We recommend that people in those categories consider reading the book because of its insights into what the Church has taught about raising and teaching children of all ages.

Find the book here: http://www.shop.zoepress.us/Orthodox-Christian-Parenting-Cultivating-Gods-Creation-978-0-9851915-0-4.htm

Here are a few quotes from the book:

***
“Marriage… is a journey through sorrows and joys. When the sorrows seem overwhelming, then you should remember that God is with you. He will take up your cross. It was He who placed the crown of marriage on your head. But when we ask God about something, He doesn’t always supply the solution right away. He leads us forward very slowly. Sometimes He takes years. We have to experience pain; otherwise life would have no meaning. But be of good cheer, for Christ is suffering with you, and the Holy Spirit through your groanings, is pleading on your behalf. (cf. Romans 8:26)” (p. 58)

***

“When a woman is pregnant she must be calm, read the Gospel, pray, say the Jesus Prayer. Thus the child is also sanctified. The child’s upbringing begins in the womb. One should be very careful not to upset a pregnant woman for any reason. When my wife was expecting a child the Elder [St. Paisios] told me: ‘Be careful not to upset her now in any way! Be very carefull!! Tell her to say the Jesus Prayer and to chant. That will help the child a lot! She should do this later on as well.’” (p. 70)

***

“I once understood Orthodoxy as a beautiful expression of faith on Sundays and holidays, but I have learned that we must bring every moment of our days and every inch of our homes into the Church. I learned first how to surrender myself to Him, and now I am learning how to surrender my children and everything else as well. The only path to healing is to offer up our entire world to Christ. We must lift up these broken pieces of our fallen world and have faith that He will restore them. He will.” (p. 83)

***

From a section from St. Porphyrios:

“The sanctity of the parents is the best way of bringing up children in the Lord. When the parents are saintly and transmit this to the child and give the child an upbringing ‘in the Lord,’ then the child, whatever the bad influences around it, will not be affected because by the door of its heart will be Wisdom—Christ Himself.” (p. 86)

***

From a section from St. Tikhon of Zadonsk:

“A gardener binds a newly planted sapling to a stake driven and fixed into the ground lest it be uprooted by winds and storms; later, he prunes unneeded branches from the tree lest they harm the tree and dry it up. You should act likewise with your small and young children. Bind their hearts to the feet of God lest they be shaken by the machinations of Satan and depart from piety. Prune away the passions that grow in them lest they mature and overpower them and so put the new, inward man that was born in holy Baptism to death. For we see that as children grow up, sinful passions also appear and grow with them as unneeded branches of a tree.” (p. 112)

***

From St. John Chrysostom:
“If artists who make statues and paint portraits of kings are held in high esteem, will not God bless ten thousand times more those who reveal and beautify His royal image? For man is in the image of God. When we teach our children to be good, to be gentle, and to be forgiving—all attributes of God; to be generous, to love their neighbor, to regard this present age as nothing, we instill virtue in their souls, and reveal the image of God within them.” (p. 137)

***
“Tired of laundry? Parenting and homemaking are indeed a holy calling. Daily chores are a blessing to us and to our family. Even laundry is blessed—no children, no laundry. What would our life be like without them? So as we wash, fold or iron each item we can say, ‘Lord have mercy on (name of clothing wearer).’ This works for your husband’s clothing, your children’s and your own clothing. ‘Lord have mercy on me.’ This sanctifies our time and work. It also helps us acquire peace and unceasing prayer.” (p. 171)

***

“Pray, pray, pray for your children and trust our most holy Lady with their guidance. Please do not think that just because you attend church with your children, receive Communion regularly, or because they belong to a youth group that this is some sort of fail-proof guarantee. No, that is not enough You mothers and fathers must pray as much as you can for your dearest possession, the children God has entrusted to you.” (p. 269)

***

“When I first read a quote by Elder Porphyrios that parents should talk to their children less and pray more I did not understand it since my children were young and at home and they needed me to speak to them to teach them. But since they have all grown and left home I understand. This may be difficult for some parents to understand yet we all should know that even as our children are a gift from God, they are a temporary gift. From birth until they leave home they are our gift and it is our job to love and teach them; but once they leave we are to release them on their path with their Guardian Angel and God’s Grace. Then our job is to pray for them, not to control them…” (p. 275)

Bedtime and Other Rituals: Conclusion and Facing Fears at Bedtime

We have examined so many different aspects of an Orthodox Christian family’s bedtime routine. We discussed winding down together; reasons to read books (as well as suggestions of what books to read); scriptures to share together; learning about the saints together; singing together; and praying together before bed. If you have missed any in the series, you can find it in its entirety on our blog at https://orthodoxchristianparenting.wordpress.com/category/bedtime/.

We have come to the end of the series, but before we conclude, we wish to once more thank those of you who participated in our survey over the summer! Your myriad of ideas and suggestions were indispensable to us in this project. We are sure that your responses have been helpful to the rest of the community as well. Thank you for taking the time to share them!

To conclude our series, we will begin by offering the following meditation called “the Liturgy of Bedtime.” It reaffirms some of the things that we have discussed in prior posts. We also know from experience that nighttime can be a fearful time for children, so occasionally “the liturgy of bedtime” is still followed by children feeling afraid. Thus, we will also offer links to ideas of ways to help children face their nighttime fears. Speaking to our children about God and leading them to Him on their way to bed during the “bedtime liturgy” is the best way to begin to address nighttime fears.  

May God grant you wisdom to know exactly what your children need at bedtime to help them relax and rest in the safety of God’s protection and the Theotokos’ watchful prayers. May He bless you as you then create and carry out that bedtime routine. May He grant peace to your children and great joy to you in the process. And may He have mercy on us all and save us. Amen.

“The Liturgy of Bedtime,” an excerpt from “Talking to Children About God”

By Dr. Albert Rossi, Ph.D.

Published originally in Orthodox Family Life,  Vol 2 Iss 3,

reprinted with permission (entire article can be found here: http://www.theologic.com/oflweb/inchurch/talkgod.htm)


One of the more regular times of “Letting the children come” to God is bedtime. Often stories and prayers at bedtime can be relaxed, non-competitive time with children. When everything is right, bedtime can be a time when the unconditional love of parent for child is almost tangible. Children are usually tired and sometimes less frenetic. It also goes without saying that some nights seem more like thinly veiled chaos. But, hopefully, most nights are more peaceful.


Going to sleep for children happens gracefully only within an elaborate ritual. This is the liturgy of going to sleep and is not totally unlike other liturgies. Father Alexander Schmemann spoke of the Eucharist beginning with the long ritual of getting dressed for Church and continuing through the trip to Church and all the beautiful liturgy preceding Communion. In a similar way, children go to sleep after intricate ceremony. This usually includes taking a bath, putting on pajamas, brushing their teeth, kissing everyone in the household goodnight, hearing a story, saying prayers, getting tucked in, and for little ones, a Linus blanket and Teddy for special security. This is the liturgy of bedtime. It’s a tender time, a loving time. It’s a rare and precious time. It’s a time to be close to each other and to God.


There are many ways to talk to children about God at bedtime. As was said, we do this primarily by the way we put them to bed. We do this by mustering patience as our own busy day comes to an end. We do it with a tender kiss and an “I love you” as we leave the room. But, we can also do it with stories.


Children love stories, stories, stories. In our family there is one type of story which is the regular, nightly request. It takes the form of “Daddy (or Mommy), tell me a story about when you were a little boy.” This has been going on so long that I am running dry of stories, or so it seems. Rather than forego a story, Beth will beg for a re-run of some oft-told story. I have overheard her telling these stories to her little friends as they played in her room. As I get older I am beginning to appreciate this form of story more. It tells of heritage, of lineage, of roots. Inevitably, these stories involve grandparents, moments of virtue, of relatives, humor, tales of Church events. All this is a remembrance of God’s activity in one’s personal history, and can occasionally be explained as such. Grandparents can have a incalculable value in strengthening the faith of a child with stories about “When Baba [grandmother] was a little girl.”

Here are some ideas of ways to help children face fears at bedtime. (Note: Not all are Orthodox, but there is enough that is helpful in each that we are sharing them anyway.)

***
This blog post is written in the context of Halloween, but the Orthodox Christian suggestions of what to do when your child is scared suggest very practical steps that every Orthodox parent should “have in their back pocket” and be able to offer to their child anytime he/she is afraid. http://www.theorthodoxmama.com/what-to-do-when-your-child-is-scared/

***

Here is a concrete way to show our children how prayer helps us to face fear. This piece is not Orthodox, but is a very helpful visual for our kids. (We should also be sure to remind our children that we have the added peace-giving knowledge of the prayers of the saints as an additional, much stronger protection for our little “flame” than just our own prayers can offer!) http://www.playeatgrow.com/2013/02/grow-helping-your-child-deal-with-fear.html/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed:+PlayEatGrow+(Play+Eat+Grow)  

***

Here are two blog posts related to bedtime prayer by Fr. Stephen Freeman. We are including them here because of his son’s personal bedtime prayer (in the first blog) which he wrote when he was 4 years old. His sweet prayer includes a sound answer to what to do with bedtime fears: ask the saints to extinguish them! https://blogs.ancientfaith.com/glory2godforallthings/2009/10/14/what-do-you-say-when-you-turn-out-the-light/  And this post is an interesting look at a non-Orthodox children’s bedtime prayer: http://blogs.ancientfaith.com/glory2godforallthings/2007/11/05/now-i-lay-me-down-to-sleep/
The comments after each blog are both interesting and helpful, should you have time, read them as well! (Comments include some practical suggestions such as sprinkling the bed with holy water before going to sleep.)
***

This blog post recommends praying the Jesus Prayer if you (or your child) are having trouble sleeping: http://simplyorthodox.tumblr.com/post/32070899950

***

When our family was in the process of converting into the Orthodox Faith, my young children found that having the “new-to-us” opportunity to make the sign of the cross to be helpful to them when they had bad dreams or felt afraid at nighttime. This book can help children learn how and why to make the sign of the cross: http://www.theorthodoxchildrenspress.com/our-books/on-our-shelf-every-time-i-do-my-cross/

***

Find ideas for helping your child with bedtime fears/sleeplessness in the “When a Child Sleeps Poorly” section of this Orthodox Christian psychotherapist’s booklet: http://www.fatheralexander.org/booklets/english/orthodox_psychotherapy_d_avdeev_e.htm

***

This non-Orthodox post offers practical Christian solutions for parents to extend comfort to their children after bad dreams: http://www.faithgateway.com/praying-through-bedtime-fears/#.WBDN31QrLIU

***

In previous blog posts, we talked about sharing the scriptures at bedtime. Here are some suggestions of specific scripture verses that we can share with our children for them to think about instead of focusing on their fears at bedtime:

http://www.graceparenting.com/BibleVersesAboutPeacefulSleep.html

http://learnscripture.net/verse-set/5-sleep-not-sheep-bedtime-verses/

Bedtime and Other Rituals: Winding Down and Gathering Together

As we begin our series on bedtime routines for Orthodox families, we need to start at the very beginning. We need to consider how and where these evening gatherings take place. In the survey we conducted this summer, we asked what families do to wind down, and where they gather. Here are the responses that we received:

How does your family wind down? What do Orthodox Christian families do to help each other calm down and be still before bedtime? Here are the results of the survey question regarding pre-bedtime wind-down activities (respondents could select more than one answer):
We quietly stand together in our icon corner. (23%)
We do bedtime stretches to wind down. (30%)
We do a quiet exercise routine. (1%)
We sit down together to read. (55%)
We cuddle and hug each other. (57%)
We do not have a regular physical activity to quiet our children down. (18%)

So, most families cuddle and hug, and/or sit down to read. Many also do exercise routines, and a fair number stand quietly in their icon corner. And some do nothing specific. A few respondents offered these additional ideas of ways that they quiet down together as part of their bedtime routine:

  • “We hang out in the bedroom and chat before going to sleep.”
  • “I listen to my Russian orthodox cd.”
  • “Nursing/breastfeeding.”
  • “Being that [the children] are a year old, bath time is the main activity.”
  • “A walk around the block prior to the start of bedtime routine.”
  • “Sometimes a cartoon.”
  • “A ‘no electronics’ rule.”
  • “Getting pajamas, and brushing teeth, drinking water, etc. Occasionally a story.”

Of course there are many other quieting activities to do together as a family to wind down before bedtime, but perhaps these can help us be more cognizant of what we are (or are not) doing to help our children be still and prepare for bed.

Where does your family read together at bedtime? We were curious about where other Orthodox families gather for their evening bedtime routine. In the survey, we asked respondents to tell us where they read if reading together is one of the things that they do in their bedtime routine. Here are the responses for where the reading families gather to read (again, respondents could select more than one answer):

We read in our living room. (30%)
We read in the children’s bedrooms. (69%)
We read at our icon corner. (4%)
We read around the dining room table. (4)
And several people offered additional places where they read:  

  • “In Mom’s bedroom”
  • “In the playroom”
  • “In bed”
  • “Parent’s bed”

Where does your family pray together at bedtime? We asked the respondents whose families who pray evening/bedtime prayers together where they gather to do so. Here are their responses (again, the survey allowed them to select more than one answer):

We pray at our icon corner (53%)

We pray around the dining room table(3%)
We pray in the children’s bedrooms (53%)

We pray in the living/family room (3%)

Other places where Orthodox Christian families gather to pray together in the evening include:

  • “We made a chapel in our house.”
  • “[We pray] in our own bedrooms. [We have] older children.”
  • “[We pray] in the children’s icon corners.”
  • “[It] varies between the chapel or our icon corner.”
  • “[We pray] in front of the icons in the children’s room.”

It is our hope that sharing these results will encourage each reader to press on in what their family already is doing at bedtime, while also gaining new and helpful ideas.

Read more about quieting children down at bedtime here:

***

Are you out of ideas of ways to quiet down with the children before bedtime? Here’s a list that may be helpful: http://naturalparentsnetwork.com/66-things-to-do-with-kids-before-bedtime/

***

Read several parents’ suggestions of ways to calm toddlers at bedtime here: http://parenting.stackexchange.com/questions/207/how-to-calm-a-toddler-before-bedtime

***

“An easy relaxation game like starting at their toes and making each body part still as you say goodnight to them is an easy one for kids to practice on their own after a few goes with adult help.” Find this suggestion to help children still themselves at bedtime and more in this blog post: http://picklebums.com/five-ways-to-help-your-child-wind-down-for-sleep/

***

Find some age-level-appropriate quieting activity ideas that could be useful before a family bedtime routine here: http://modernparentsmessykids.com/quiet-time-activities-perfect-getting-kids-settle-bed/

***

“Bedtime is a daily opportunity to build and nurture your relationship with your child. There’s something about a quiet darkened room that invites conversation. This is a time to take stock, to snuggle, to talk about some of the important things that your child is thinking about. When children know that bedtime is a time when you give a few minutes of undivided attention, they often save up their most sensitive questions for sharing. Yes, sometimes they’ll use it to hang onto you when you really want to get to your own projects or the newspaper. Calmly set some limits and carry on. This is the real stuff of parenting — building your child’s sense of personal value, answering the big questions, teaching your values through stories and talk.” http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-value-of-a-childs-bedtime-routine/

***

“According to the Mayo Clinic, relaxing activities like a bath, reading books and soft music help your child wind down for sleep. Children should spend at least 30 minutes preparing for bed, but one hour is optimal.
“Stay away from electronics an hour or more before bedtime. That means no television, iPads or video games. Children model what their parents do, so it’s ideal if you aren’t watching Breaking Bad before bed. You may find that you sleep better as well.
“Avoid vigorous exercise and adrenaline-producing activities too. That means no talent shows, hide-and-seek or tag. No trampolines. No wrestling. No Daddy Tickle Contests. It’s a fun time of night when the entire family is together, but if the kids are running screaming through the house, that may not bode well for drifting quickly off to dreamland.” Find this and more in this article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michelle-howell-miller-/the-ultimate-bedtime-routine-for-young-children_b_5982848.html

***

If you find yourself struggling to get your kiddos to go to bed, try including “wind down” time in your nightly routine. Each of these calming activities is great for spending quality time together as a family in the evenings:” https://pathways.org/blog/6-activities-help-child-wind/?gclid=CIfQ9MrXoM8CFcQehgodaSkIHA

***